Cooking Bacon Naked, -Trip Stoddard

Cooking Bacon Naked

Cooking bacon naked hurts, that’s the down right truth of the matter, and it’s hard to admit when you have made such a painful, stupid mistake. It’s hard to remember the exact date of that horrid day; it was one of those things I tried to put in the back of my mind, trying my hardest to forget. I believe admitting my stupidity is the first step, then possibly I should try not to be ashamed of it, and then I think I need to learn from my experience. Anyways… Let me tell you what happened.
It didn’t seem like a special day, there seemed to be nothing significant about it. I woke up like I usually do on Saturdays, a little bit after noon, getting out of my bed painfully; acting almost like living my life is a complete burden. I don’t exactly remember the sequence of my actions the previous Friday night, all I know is when I did wake up that horrid Saturday I had no clothing on. I peeked my head out of my bedroom window looking at the world around, wondering to myself if it was judging me for wasting half my day sleeping. Quickly changing thoughts I asked myself if I should brush my teeth, but then realized I didn’t really have the time to with all the things I wasn’t going to do. Immediately, like some sort of lighting bolt it hit me, I was absolutely starving. That sometimes happens when you miss your first meal of the day. Realizing my painful hunger I, almost as if were in a hurry, shot out of my room and shouted, “Hello!?” There was no answer, not even a peep from inside my house. The fear crept up into my head: oh no, I might have to cook myself a meal. Afraid of such circumstances I yelled frantically, “Is there anyone home, anyone at all?” Again there was no answer; I simply didn’t know what to do. I sat on my staircase and tried to calm myself down. I figured it really was going to be okay, I would make myself something to eat and possibly even live another day. I began to trot down my stairs until about four steps when I looked down, I still had no clothes on, if I would have been observing myself at that exact moment I might have shouted out the term, “Weenie wagging.” I stopped slightly embarrassed for myself and looked up the stairs; oh well, it was to late now. I went down and began to cook some bacon, it sounded quite appetizing that morning and I just couldn’t help myself. Right when that raw meat hit the pan I knew it was going to be bad, I just couldn’t imagine how bad. When that first spec of grease hit my tender smooth skin I swore to never again make such a mistake. The unforgettable pain that made me cry out as if some man had wrongfully taken my lollipop, it was the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed. I knew that this was no longer a typical Saturday; it was a day to remember.
There have been many instances like this in my life and I am quite sure in everyone else’s to. Not exactly a painful memory that I want to forget, but a moment in which I sank to my lowest point and prayed to whoever was listening that I needed help, saying quietly I would not go another day without this valuable lesson. If you don’t know who I am I have made many mistakes in my life. I cheated on a person that meant most to me and who I was down right in love with. That brought me to a horrible low where I didn’t know who I’d become, who was I to allow myself to do that. I cheated on a test and got caught in junior high, sitting wondering where exactly I went wrong to allow myself to take credit for other peoples work. I have sped much higher than the legal limit, finally glancing in my rear view noticing that there were blue and red lights flashing behind me. I have even lied knowing how bad it was, and still being unable to stop myself. In all of these points I found myself sitting down usually with tears in my eyes vowing that I would learn from this horrible day, whatever day it happened to be at the time, and that I would not make that same mistake again.
With realizing this I remembered a wise man once told me that he was not concerned that I fell, but he was concerned on rather I was going to get back up again. I don’t really know what it was about that fateful Saturday that made me have this euphony that I really needed to get up from where I’d fallen. It could have been the grease hitting my inner thigh or just the sheer shock of wondering why I would let myself do such a thing. No matter what it was I realized that it was okay to make mistakes, and I have to live my life not being worried about every consequence. I knew from that day on it was about learning from every mistake and making sure I never let even one happen again. I’ve done pretty well after I put that rule in place, and believe me, I haven’t since, and never will again, cook bacon naked.

-Trip Stoddard