Transformation

Lately I’ve been thinking about my life and what direction it will be taking after I graduate from high school. There are two major problems which make this transition difficult. One is which college will I go to and whether the decision will be a positive one. My other problem is how I will cope with being away from my family and all the people I’ve grown up with. Sometimes I think about how I’m only a junior so I still have some time to contemplate, but in reality the time is drawing near and I’m unsure of what decision I should make. Sitting down and actually thinking about which college I go to is irrelevant as long as I receive a good education. The part that frightens me is moving to a new city and standing alone for the first time. Change itself becomes scary when it comes to changing how the rest of your life will turn out. All my life I’ve sat back and witnessed everyone’s life change and progress. I’ve observed all my cousins mature into adulthood through the college experience whether it be good or bad. Viewing all these transformations in other people’s lives forced me to realize that I thought it would never happen to me. Its very surreal to think that in the next year I’ll be existing in a different state for four years. At times I seem as if I’m on the outside looking in when I look at the people I’m closes to fail at college when only being there for six months. In perspective they throw their lives away in a sense because they give up on their education. Failure consistently looms in the back of my mind because no matter how much I try to envision it its always there. Failure means to me staying in Denver after I graduate from high school and wasting the education that I’ve worked my whole life to accomplish. A lack of success also signifies not performing to the best of ability academically. Occasionally the inevitability of growing up and moving on makes me long to stay a teenager even longer. The Academics of college appear to be so unmanageable to me. Periodically the work of college seems as if it will overcome me and I wont be able to take the pressure.
My sister, who also went to Colorado Academy, recounted to me about some of the hardships she went through while in college. According to her classes in college are drastically different than high school. She said that the professors lecture and guide you somewhat but essentially the bulk of the responsibility is on the student to excel. The simplest things like missing class are up to the student to correct because the teacher wont ask you if you got the notes from the previous class or if your caught up with the rest of the class. Ultimately your future lies in your hands and I guess up to this point it always has been. My sister also began to tell me how the class size is notably different because for instance at a university there can be over fifty people in one class which is nothing like the environment that I’m used to. She told me that the number isn’t what should scare me but the possibility of getting lost in the crowd. The part that alarms me about that thought is not having someone there to guide me and make sure that I get all my work done because I have always had a figure like that in my life to keep me on track. Traveling to college signifies that I will be separating from all my friends. All of us will travel to different parts of the country and to be honest we probably wont see each other ever again. On occasion I ponder whether or not I will keep in touch with people I see and talk to everyday because the people that I thought I would never lose touch with in middle school, I haven’t talk to in over a year. Hopefully making new friends and putting my trust in a whole new set of people won’t negatively effect my perception of change. I ask myself if the people I meet in college will posses the same qualities I like in the people I cherish now. I contemplate the suggestion, if I go to college with someone I’m currently friends with, will our friendship withstand the trials of change? College is a intimidating thought but I’m confident in my abilities and I’m pretty sure that although the experience will be scary, I also think it will be gratifying. I desire to embrace the remodeling of my life with open arms.